Hach no, oh no, I think I no longer can. Neeneeenee. I do not know. I can not and does not want to. So not. No longer with me. Neeeneeenee. No! I can not hear it. I do not want that! The can I have liked all times. I'm totally down with the nerves. Real finished. Neeneenee. Mir is all too much. I think, because now what needs to happen.
I do not know about you: But I think I've got a warning allergy. I can not anymore. If I have to hear the word. Now even Prince Charles! That was missing! Who came to Germany to warn. From climate change, and has also received an award for it. Neeneenee. This keeps you in the head but not anymore.
All the time you will be warned, you feel constantly barked like a mad dog. The dog simply does not keep his mouth shut. It is disturbing the peace. I get a headache! I urgently need help. I'm really jittery!
Wherever you go there: All you will be warned, before global warming, climate change, the global collapse of the financial crisis, the banking crisis, inflation, deflation, terrorism, Islamism, neo-Nazis, bird flu, swine flu the what-do-I disease, the Icksüpsilon virus.
Am I deaf? Am I hard of hearing? Am I stupid?
Everywhere warning lights are set up. The minimum in yellow or orange flash, but usually in red. Plinplin ... plinplin ... plinplin. I've had chronic watery eyes, watery eyes right. Everywhere you get with this warning light and warning lights in the eyes geplinkt!
Schäuble - the Minister of Reichswarn- warning and alarm Ministry. And all its subordinate ministries. The kingdom warning alarm financial ministry, the kingdom of warning alarm Ministry of Health, the kingdom of environmental warning alarm Ministry, the Reich labor warning alarm Ministry, the Reich Ministry warning traffic alert, well, you know ...
At every possible or impossible opportunity is now warned. Any public situation is shamelessly exploited and "Warning" and "Alarm" output! I can not! It is no longer!
Radio, newspapers, television, awards, public speeches, inaugurations, the multicultural, road, district, Gay, Lesbian, biotope, sports, children's, family reunions, parties, unions, associations, birthdays, football games, hunting trips , reunions, funerals - all is now warned. Although it really would be too late for the funeral - but that does not interest the professional Warner and Alarmer: warn on and go there even corpses. I can not!
The worst was when the Reichswarn- and alarm Ministry and the Reich Minister Schäuble warning warns of the uncertainty of the population. Can it be? Is it to hold still? Since I can not just giggle hysterically. It's as if the devil's grandmother warns the brush fire, Santa Claus warns of the rod, warns the Christ child from the many gifts, warns the spring before the pollen and the sex maniac warns young women against the moral decline: the culprit warns - and is so perfectly camouflaged!
I pack's certainly not more. 'm Totally down with the nerves. Last night I lay awake in bed again. Too much warning and alert throughout the day. When counting sheep suddenly I got the bright idea:
I've got it! I know what how we can stop global warming. For all these Warner and Alarmer heat not only their own minds, but also heat with warning and alarm constantly the atmosphere. Aside from the senseless power consumption by continuously flashing yellow, orange and red warning lights.
So, every village, every community, every district and every major city put on public warning and alarm vats. Whenever again a politician, a prince or else some busybody has made important with warning and alarm, he must in the tub - for cooling. Because the tub is filled with fresh ice cubes. Since then must take and perform a Tauchsitzbad the professional or amateur Warner and Alarmer place, until his body temperature and be heated emotions are again cooled down to 37 ° Celsius climate-friendly. Thereafter, he may then, freshly cooled, the tub emerge again and get the corresponding municipality still a cool, fresh beer donated: Ahhhhhhh, that feels good. Let's see if we can not so this warning and alarm problem sir!
But that's not all: For warning and alarms costs nothing. It is so damn cheap. And that has to change. It must be really expensive. I see before me, as through this inspiration to my yesterday's sleepless sleepless night, the community will fill city and capital funds: Warning and alarms is now really expensive: Every Warner and Alarmer, who just so cheap around warn and wants alarms, it will feel in his wallet and to his credit - when he, most important, the first no clear justification and no clean proof of his alert and warning provides and the second when he offers no solution if point 1 should be satisfied.
Because we can warn us truly even this can have my old alarm clock. Warns me the morning before getting too sleepy. Since I do not need Reichswarn- and alarm Ministry.
The warning and alarm fee is graduated according to the wealth and income conditions of the Warners and Alarmers: An amateur Warner and Alarmer who simply wanted to make important times will not reprimanded by a fine not less than 1000 €.
A professional Warner and Alarmer, z. B. elected politicians are requested € 10,000 to the checkout.
Representatives of Reichswarn- and alarm ministries must expect to be pulled to 50% of their private property and the other half from federal assets to account. They do not fulfill point 1 and 2, payment of 100,000 € is due - directly into the city treasury of each municipality warned or damaged.
With representatives of the Weltwarn- and alarm Organisation (WHO) is analogous procedure: Satisfy they do not point 1 and 2, they are abgebußt immediately. There is a payment of € 1 million in each half from their personal assets and from the WHO financial fundus. The payment will be made according to the topic of the unmasked as pointless warning to an appropriate charity or organization exploring the truth.
So with meaningless warnings of swine flu is the forced donation to a charitable association for the liberation of the pigs and the promotion of vegetarian thought.
In senseless warnings of global warming is an earmarked donation to the German physical society, to explore the sunspot activity continues.
In senseless alert and warning against avian flu is a donation to the Association for the Abolition of chickens battery hens and another to the what-is-a-virus association.
In senseless warning and alarm against terrorism is a donation to the International Foundation for Research and analysis of intelligence activities and another to war victims in Iraq, Palestine and Afghanistan.
Similarly, must squeeze the German Reichswarn- and alarm Ministry in an unjustified warning against neo-Nazism a whopping donation to a foundation to explore and better control of domestic intelligence activities.
Prince Charles had so due to his warning and alarm about climate change already have the foundation for organic farming cede € 100,000. Well, would not it's for both of us? Supposedly biogärtnert Charles so fond. Instead herumzuwarnen cheap, he should rather do butter fish!
Yes, so what a sleepless night can not get everything! I can already see how the city and municipal coffers fill incessantly. The fresh flow of money will last for months. Jippi, I discovered a veritable gold source. Yes, how the economic crisis is reversed in an unexpected upturn: the costs incurred in the coming weeks and months as a flash flood warning and alarm fees will constitute the initial funding for incredible investment! Can you already see before you? Ahhhhhh, that feels good!
As long as the coin does not sound in the municipal coffers, the Warner does not jump out of the tub!
That's it. We have a crisis now under control again! But now I must go quickly say goodbye: Does the fridge - bring ice!
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Tags: alarmism , Prince Charles , Schäuble , swine flu
Amazing, love Friderike! The most accurate satire that I've read in a long time. When Eulenspiegel, or the Titanic Redakteuere be green with envy. Super! Keep it up!
[...] I will merely point to the latest article of my colleague Friederike Beck here in the spirit of the times blogs and exceptionally awe otherwise silent [...]
Finally !!!!!! Finally someone speaks out of my soul. I can not stand these Ries Enver Arsche also !!!!!